One way to get me up!


Well, it was sweet of Mike to offer to get up and feed the dogs this morning.  However, he came upstairs at 5:20 to tell me that Vito didn’t eat!!  That’s definitely one way to get me up.  Tell me Vito is sick or the Tuukka is sick….or the baby is sick.

Oh yeah, BTW: We have a baby.  His name is Kai and he will be 1 this week.  We got him when he was 11 months old- he had all kinds of things wrong with him- and now he is doing really well.  I mean, except for when he cries for no reason!!  Yesterday I had a mini-meltdown because he would not stop crying!!  He didn’t have a dirty diaper.  He wasn’t hungry- he wasn’t hurt- he just cried for no reason.  And it was a real cry- very teary and fussy.  It’s the kind of cry that really pulls on your heart strings.  So, Mike came home from the bar (surprise) and I said “I am leaving and you are dealing with this.”  So, I left. I went and got a new chain for my necklace that Kai broke.  Then, I bought him an outfit, because when you are mad at the baby, you should buy him something??!  Nighttime was better, and I am back to loving him.

I go back and forth about this issue.  I love this kid- I feel protective of this kid.  But the love part is really hard.  He isn’t mine, and I find it difficult.  I grow to love him- and I think he really loves me.  But some days, it’s hard to love him.  I don’t know if that’s normal.  I scour the internet looking for articles on justifications on what I am feeling.  I don’t even feel like I can tell Mike.  Yesterday he told me that I wasn’t allowed to lose it.  I don’t think men understand.  All they have to do is bond with the baby- mothers usually get 9 months of bonding.  I’ve only had Kai for a month.  Oh Lord, help me with these feelings.  Help me sort them out and find my bonding with Kai.


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