You don’t know what’s it’s like…cause you have a kid. You had a chance to hold a baby in your arms and know that it was half you. You HAVE a kid!! And Lori has this part of you that I don’t. A part of you that makes sure you send her flowers on her birthday. Not me….I didn’t get anything for my birthday. No flowers….no card….no present. I planned my own trip- saved the money from our fund….and made all the arrangements.
“Cause she is the mother of MY child.” That’s what you fucking said!! TO me!! Even though you know I have insecurities about our infertility issues. I mean, do we have infertility issues? Or is this something you can’t admit is YOUR ISSUE!!! Something that you don’t want to deal with!!!!
I don’t what the hell is wrong with me today. I am sensitive. I have emotions and I’m allowed to have emotions. I am anxious about everything today…my work, my home…it feels like I am not good enough right now and what you said hit home to that fact.
I feel like I am going to lose it…on someone. And I don’t know how to stop this.
God, please…please calm my soul. Please, give me peace about it all….”for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord… plans to prosper you and not to harm you….plans to give you hope and a future. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11